Yesterday started out as another great raw day. Then Zoe made these fabulous lemon cookies. I wish I could say that I asked her not to bake them but I had actually pulled the butter out to soften. Part of me said I could handle it. I was feeling pretty confident, which is usually a mistake. (Humbled by my weakness serves me well.) The louder part of me said, “Don’t worry about a few cookies. It’s Sunday, your day off.”
I made a lovely cashew and raw honey ice-cream with a few drops of orange essential oil in it. I figured that treat would keep me on the straight and narrow raw path. Alas, I discovered that the lemon cookie went beautifully with the orange honey ice-cream. It was a match made in heaven. More like a match made in Hollywood along the lines of Beauty and the Beast. I ate cookies and ice-cream for lunch. Then struggled to get back on track by eating a bunch of kale chips. Then I ate cookies and ice-cream for dinner and again for breakfast this morning.
The beast was loose and I was having trouble getting him back in his cage. My cookie monster isn’t the cute, blue guy on sesame street. Sometimes he looks cute, and manageable and well trained. But that’s only when he’s locked up. Then I tend to forget about his bad behavior and fool myself into thinking it would be okay to let him loose. Just for a little while, maybe a cookie or two. I’m always quite sure I can get him back in the cage after two cookies. It usually ends up taking me a good two days or more. When will I learn?
Today I alternated my raw meals with cookies and ice-cream. In the evening I went out on my three-mile hiking trail and jogged the entire loop. First time ever! I was trying to burn off excess cookies but was also motivated because I had a late start and I’m scared of the dark. There was one steep down hill that I sort of walked down because I was afraid of twisting an ankle. This point in the trail is really in the middle of nowhere and I was phone-less. It probably would have taken hours before the kids realized I hadn’t come home and gone out to look for me. In fact, there’s a good chance they wouldn’t have missed me at all until breakfast tomorrow morning. But I felt really good on the trail and clocked my best time. Maybe a bowl of cookies and ice-cream is the new breakfast of champions? Aaaaaaaaaaaand maybe not.
I'm doing really well on this raw food diet. This is so unlike me! Really. Maybe a person CAN change into a new and improved version of themselves. I've heard it's been done. It's very strange but this attempt at raw food hasn't felt as much like a hardship as usual. This seems to be what I want to eat rather than what I have to eat. (I think the raw desserts are helping!)
I heard somewhere that if you say, "I can't eat that because I'm on a diet" you will usually fall off the wagon. But if you say, "I don't eat that" you'll have a little more staying power. Maybe it comes down to how we view ourselves. I remember being offered a treat by a friend one day and I said, "No thanks, I'm not eating sugar right now." I remember how it felt. Empowering. As if I actually had a choice! She was almost as surprised as I was by my reply. It felt good. Now that I'm feeling pretty darn proud of myself-the confession. For some other strange reason, this raw food experiment feels like something I MUST do. For health, self-mastery, experimentation, self-esteem or for all of the above-I don't really know. It also, unfortunately, feels like something I CAN'T do. At least not by myself. I've got a string of failures a mile long to prove it. And so, before I spend too much time patting myself on the back I need to say thank you to my Heavenly Father. Because I've been praying desperately for help. And I've made progress. I think the two are related.
Day 3 147 pounds - down 3 pounds
B: kale chips
S: more kale chips
L: salad with romaine, cucumber, avocado, walnuts, cilantro, and the raw rio dressing
S: kale chips
D: more of the lunch salad
Dessert: raw vanilla cashew ice-cream with fresh sliced peaches on top (heaven)
Day 4 146 pounds - down four pounds
B: Bunny Spice shake which is made from 1 cup of fresh carrot juice, 1 cup of homemade almond milk (flavored with vanilla and a date), a frozen banana and a dash of cinnamon or a 1/2 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice. This is almost like drinking a liquid pumpkin pie. Sweet, creamy and orange colored. Seriously yummy.
S: more of the Bunny Spice
L: salad with romaine, sunflower seeds, corn cut from the cob, cucumber, alfalfa sprouts, and my raw rio dressing.
S: the last of the cashew ice-cream and peaches
Yesterday I was running dangerously low on avocados and dog food. I set out for my regular Costco run then stopped myself. It was lunch time, my favorite time for Costco. I have convinced myself that those tiny bite-sized samples don’t have enough calories to make a difference. Anything eaten while standing up, or even better yet while walking, doesn’t count. Common knowledge. I’ve actually planned Costco trips around lunch time and brought kids (mine as well as others) with me to enjoy a free meal that involves no preparation or clean up. The kids get to try new foods but mainly just like to eat with their hands. Most of the sample providers are nice folks who just smile when you come back for seconds or thirds. If you’re fairly inconspicuous and allow a few minutes between visits (go ahead and do a full lap) they usually don’t even notice. If you’re feeling a little guilty you can just throw one of their demo items in your cart and all is forgiven. (Does this still constitute a free lunch?) Ultimately, all that fancy rationalization goes out the window when I leave the store feeling stuffed and a little yucky. Even with all that walking.
Anyway, I stopped myself from going. I chose to go in the evening instead. When all the nice sample providers were home entertaining their significant others with tales of people like me. Because what I am slowly, painfully becoming aware of is this: there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.
Wednesday August 15th was my wedding anniversary. Twenty-six years ago I started my new life with hubby, Brandon. On wednesday, I started my new life without all my favorite rationalizations. Goodbye my lovely little enablers!
Day 1 weight:150
B: shake made with pears, spinach, ginger and rejuvelac.
S: more of the same shake
L: Big salad with romaine, corn, avocado, bell pepper, sunflower seeds, salsa, cucumbers, cilantro and my homemade cashew tomatillo dressing. This was a raw version of my beloved Cafe Rio dressing. Not the same but pretty darn good.
S: Kale chips. This batch was so good I even caught Makai eating a few. He usually makes gagging noises at the mention of anything raw.
D: Raw red bell pepper, pine nut, avocado and curry soup. Love, love, love my new Blendtec blender.
Hiked my 3-mile loop trail.
Day 2 weight: 148 - down two pounds in one day
B: shake made with cranberries, gogi berries, strawberries, cashews, coconut water, and chia seeds.
S: more of the same shake
L: Another awesome salad just like yesterday.
S: Kale chips
D: Same raw veggie soup from yesterday.
I swam 3,000 yards in the pool.
Note: After writing the Costco blog I went to Walmart. They now carry young Thai coconuts (good news) and they were giving out samples of fudge-covered oreos (bad news).
Doesn't this look fun?! Only four more weeks until I'll be swimming this race and hoping the sharks aren't hungry that day. If any one else decides to swim this thing I don't recommend you getting on youtube and watching all the videos of shark sightings at this beach. That really was not such a good idea. (I have an over active imagination to begin with.) There are quite a few people swimming this thing so, statistically speaking, if someone gets nibbled, it won't be me. I also decided it wouldn't be worth it to go all the way to Hawaii for just one day. My practical side kicked and and I will be enjoying a full week in paradise.
I've eaten mostly raw so far this month (Rawgust) and woke up this morning weighing 147 pounds. Going all raw the rest of the month so I will be swimming fast and will most likely be a smaller, sleeker piece of shark bait by September.
waikikiroughwaterswim.com
