One Good Day

This is a double batch of Ani's Spicy Bok Choy Soup* before and after I blended. Yummy! The recipe is at the end.

I'm starting over again at my bungee cord weight of 150. It seems like no matter how long I’ve been good, I always end up at 150 after a day or two of bad. I defy physics and simple mathematical calorie counts.
Of course if I look at my notes (I record what I eat) I will see that I usually have three or four good days followed by two or three bad days. Which are then followed by good/bad days where I am struggling to get back on track with one foot still in the ice-cream grave. That period can last a while before something kicks in and I pull off some good days again. So it’s probably a miracle I’m not 250 pounds since I can do a heck of a lot of damage on my bad days. 
It’s just soooo unfair!!! It’s the hormones, the kids, the temptations during grocery shopping, the discouragement and all the evil people pushing treats on me in the name of kindness. I haven’t even begun to describe what it’s like to live next door to Sydney who bakes some super yummy cookies nearly every Sunday afternoon and delivers them to my door, still warm from the oven. And thus I whine and complain of how difficult it is to chase the skinny dream in a female, forty plus body. I’m not going to think about how I want to eat for the rest of my life. Or about how I want to do a 30-day raw food experiment. The focus is on healthy, not skinny. If you do healthy right, you usually end up more on the skinny side as a side effect. For now, I’m just going to focus on one good day. 
Monday 6/18/12  150 pounds
I started Ani’s 15-day raw food fat blast. I followed the menu with just a few unathorized additions of a Twix bar, a half cup of spaghetti (kids’ dinner) and a serving of yesterday’s pear crisp. Other that that I did her menu perfectly!
Breakfast: Blueberry Blast
Snack: Pineapple Green Shake
Lunch: Spicy Bok Choy Soup *
Dinner: Tomato Bisque
Today: One Good Day!  149 pounds  (Down 1 pound in 1 day)
Breakfast: Simple Strawberry Shake
Snack: Apple Green Mar-tea-ni
Lunch: Ginger Soup
Snack: More Strawberry Shake
Dinner: Marvelous Minestrone
Snack: More Soup

Spicy Bok Choy Soup:
1 cup bok choy, chopped, loosely packed
1 cup cucumber, diced, from about 1 whole
1/2 avocado
1 TB miso
1/4 jalapeno peper, seeds removed
1 to 2 cups of filtered water (I used hot water for a nice warm soup)


Lowering the Bar

I keep trying to do this 30-day raw food experiment but I always give up or nose dive into cupcake land. I should just call it a day and accept who I really am: a sugar junkie through and through. I once went to an AA meeting in an attempt to conquer this addiction. Everyone took their turn saying, “my name is so and so. And I’m an alcoholic.” When it was my turn I said, “My name is Sandi and I don’t know what I am.” Everyone laughed but I was serious. Am I really a sugar junkie or is it an excuse to eat whatever I want? It seemed silly or even a little disrespectful to compare my addiction to theirs. But on an honest day I will acknowledge that eating lots of sugar affects my health, my ability to handle stress and my personality, which affects my life and the lives of those close to me. I eat it when I know I shouldn’t and when I don’t want to eat it. Whatever you want to call it, I will master this thing. I will be the captain of my soul and the guardian of my health.

This goal of eating only healthy raw vegan food for 30-days haunts me. Not when I’m sleeping or alone in a big house but nearly every time I’m stuffed with junk and feeling crappy. It’s a goal that won’t let me go and one I WILL reach one day (or die trying!) My twinner, Suzy, tells me not to try such a hard thing because it inevitably leads to failure. She encourages me to start smaller. Baby steps. She may be on to something. If I’m unable to make it through a week without sugar it makes no sense to skip that step and move on to something harder. I’m failing multiplication so lets move on to Algebra! Good plan? Not.

With my long and colorful past of dieting flops this  30-day goal of mine seems a bit extreme. Maybe I need to lower the bar a bit and work my way up.

 A big part of my lack of success is my lack of planning. I just figure I will eat what sounds good at the time, which means I eat a lot of raw desserts for dinner! Or I make something with whatever I have in the house which tends to get me into a uncreative rut. Another one of my problems is that I can’t seem to find 30 days that don’t include holidays, birthdays, parties or some other event that traditionally trips me up. I was pondering this quandary as I walked into the library a few days ago. I stopped at the display of books in front of me and picked up the first book that caught my eye. It was: Ani’s 15-day Fat Blast
I didn’t even know this book was out but boy am I excited. Whenever I want a yummy, easy to prepare raw dish I often end up in Ani Phyo’s book, Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen. She just does good stuff. In this new book she’s done all the work for me, except for the eating of course. The menu, the recipes, the philosophy, the reasoning behind the menu and the encouragement. I told my sister-in-law, Kim, about it and she’s game! We are starting Monday, June 11, 2012. We’re doing the 15-day raw food fat blast which seems more doable. I will follow Ani’s plan exactly. Try the recipes without substitutions or additions. She’s done all the thinking for me so it should be a no-brainer.
This feels like a good step toward my DIY 30-day raw trial. For now, lowering the bar might be the perfect way to reach new heights.