Raw, Raw, RAW!

Twenty years ago I was living on Lantau Island (Hong Kong) with my husband and two small children. I was sick, sick, sick. I had asthma, allergies and non-existent energy levels. I could barely make it up a flight of stairs without feeling faint. I was tired all the time but couldn’t sleep at night. I was convinced I was loaded with cancer or some other evil, yucky stuff and would most likely fall down dead in the near future. I even cried a few times thinking of how my two babies would grow up not knowing their mother. The doctor prescribed increasingly strong asthma and allergy meds which had their own set of side effects.

One day I took a ferry to the next island over, Peng Chau, to visit my friend Laura. I was explaining my mysterious health condition (most likely in a super whinny voice loaded with self pity) when she grabbed the book, “Fit For Life” off her shelf and told me to read it. Although I protested and argued with Laura about the merits of the diet, I was desperate enough to try anything.

A week later I felt like a new person. My invisible cancer had disappeared.  It was an Ahah! moment for me. I had never before made the connection between what I ate and how I felt.  Over the years I have found that eating a high raw or an all raw diet gives me super powers and rapid weight loss. So, here I go again in my attempt to blog about my raw food experiment. I will not beat myself up for less than 100 percent because I have found that pursuing perfection tends to back fire for me! 

I am also very inspired because my friend Laura is blogging about her raw food goal of losing 100 pounds in 90 days. She’s nearly half way there! For some laughs, insight and inspiration go to: hundredraw.blogspot.com 

Keep up the good work, Laura! 

Raw, Raw, RAW!

Independence Day

                      One of the fellow residents at Mom's home

I spent independence day among dependent people in a skilled nursing facility. Some of the residents were there because of accidents but most were there due to glitches in the aging process like the stroke that sent my mom to bed four years ago. The residents are dependent on oxygen tanks, tube feedings, wheel chairs and other people for everything from personal hygiene to entertainment. It’s hard to be there with my mom. It’s even harder to imagine myself living in a place like that one day. The staff is wonderful and treat mom with love and respect but the place still reeks of despair and broken down bodies.

Mom taught me how to be independent by example. She left her home country of Germany as a 17-year old and ventured off into a foreign land alone. She learned English by watching TV and was planning her next around the world adventure when she met my dad. Fast forward 50 years and five kids later. She’s an empty nester, socially active in her community, enjoying the peace and quiet she’s earned but trades in for time with her grandkids. 

Mom was an active, vibrant 70-year old when her life irrevocably changed in a matter of minutes. On 8/8/08 my parents came to visit us at my home in Panguitch. At 1:30 am my dad found her laying on the floor and was unable to wake her up. After a CT scan, Dr. Mooney told us she had had a stroke caused by a brain hemorrhage. It was humungous, he said in layman’s terms. The kind you don’t survive. She was suddenly dependent on machines to keep her alive. Terms like, “vegetative state” were thrown around with what I consider reckless abandon.  

But she showed them. A few months later she was speaking some, communicating much and slowly regaining some of the movement she had lost to paralysis. We were all planning the day she would be ready to walk out of the hospital, celebrate her recovery, and show the doctors that miracles do indeed exist. 

That day never came but humungous stroke number two did. Tube feedings, fresh tracheotomies and paralysis followed.

Although we all hear stories of 95-year-old lifetime smokers, common sense tells us they are not the norm. Based on our family medical history I probably don’t have the live-an-independent-life-till-I’m-100 gene. The thought of someone else having to wipe my bum one day makes me wonder: do I have any say so in the matter?

If I trade my junk food for greens will it extend my independence? Improve my quality of life? Allow me to keep enough functional gray matter to solve my sudoku puzzles? Will my food choices today keep me out of that place?

I do believe there is a critical link between nutrition and health. Unfortunately there is often a large gap of time between the two. As a senior in high school I had a pint of Baskin Robbins ice-cream every night for dinner on the way home from swim team practice. I’m feeling it now, thirty years later. Which makes me think that if I want to be a vibrant, independent 70 year old, I should prepare for it right now. 

                                 I love you Mom

One Good Day

This is a double batch of Ani's Spicy Bok Choy Soup* before and after I blended. Yummy! The recipe is at the end.

I'm starting over again at my bungee cord weight of 150. It seems like no matter how long I’ve been good, I always end up at 150 after a day or two of bad. I defy physics and simple mathematical calorie counts.

Of course if I look at my notes (I record what I eat) I will see that I usually have three or four good days followed by two or three bad days. Which are then followed by good/bad days where I am struggling to get back on track with one foot still in the ice-cream grave. That period can last a while before something kicks in and I pull off some good days again. So it’s probably a miracle I’m not 250 pounds since I can do a heck of a lot of damage on my bad days. 

It’s just soooo unfair!!! It’s the hormones, the kids, the temptations during grocery shopping, the discouragement and all the evil people pushing treats on me in the name of kindness. I haven’t even begun to describe what it’s like to live next door to Sydney who bakes some super yummy cookies nearly every Sunday afternoon and delivers them to my door, still warm from the oven. And thus I whine and complain of how difficult it is to chase the skinny dream in a female, forty plus body. I’m not going to think about how I want to eat for the rest of my life. Or about how I want to do a 30-day raw food experiment. The focus is on healthy, not skinny. If you do healthy right, you usually end up more on the skinny side as a side effect. For now, I’m just going to focus on one good day. 

Monday 6/18/12  150 pounds

I started Ani’s 15-day raw food fat blast. I followed the menu with just a few unathorized additions of a Twix bar, a half cup of spaghetti (kids’ dinner) and a serving of yesterday’s pear crisp. Other that that I did her menu perfectly!

Breakfast: Blueberry Blast

Snack: Pineapple Green Shake

Lunch: Spicy Bok Choy Soup *

Dinner: Tomato Bisque

Today: One Good Day!  149 pounds  (Down 1 pound in 1 day)

Breakfast: Simple Strawberry Shake

Snack: Apple Green Mar-tea-ni

Lunch: Ginger Soup

Snack: More Strawberry Shake

Dinner: Marvelous Minestrone

Snack: More Soup

Spicy Bok Choy Soup:

1 cup bok choy, chopped, loosely packed

1 cup cucumber, diced, from about 1 whole

1/2 avocado

1 TB miso

1/4 jalapeno peper, seeds removed

1 to 2 cups of filtered water (I used hot water for a nice warm soup)

Lowering the Bar

 
I keep trying to do this 30-day raw food experiment but I always give up or nose dive into cupcake land. I should just call it a day and accept who I really am: a sugar junkie through and through. I once went to an AA meeting in an attempt to conquer this addiction. Everyone took their turn saying, “my name is so and so. And I’m an alcoholic.” When it was my turn I said, “My name is Sandi and I don’t know what I am.” Everyone laughed but I was serious. Am I really a sugar junkie or is it an excuse to eat whatever I want? It seemed silly or even a little disrespectful to compare my addiction to theirs. But on an honest day I will acknowledge that eating lots of sugar affects my health, my ability to handle stress and my personality, which affects my life and the lives of those close to me. I eat it when I know I shouldn’t and when I don’t want to eat it. Whatever you want to call it, I will master this thing. I will be the captain of my soul and the guardian of my health.

This goal of eating only healthy raw vegan food for 30-days haunts me. Not when I’m sleeping or alone in a big house but nearly every time I’m stuffed with junk and feeling crappy. It’s a goal that won’t let me go and one I WILL reach one day (or die trying!) My twinner, Suzy, tells me not to try such a hard thing because it inevitably leads to failure. She encourages me to start smaller. Baby steps. She may be on to something. If I’m unable to make it through a week without sugar it makes no sense to skip that step and move on to something harder. I’m failing multiplication so lets move on to Algebra! Good plan? Not.

With my long and colorful past of dieting flops this  30-day goal of mine seems a bit extreme. Maybe I need to lower the bar a bit and work my way up.

 A big part of my lack of success is my lack of planning. I just figure I will eat what sounds good at the time, which means I eat a lot of raw desserts for dinner! Or I make something with whatever I have in the house which tends to get me into a uncreative rut. Another one of my problems is that I can’t seem to find 30 days that don’t include holidays, birthdays, parties or some other event that traditionally trips me up. I was pondering this quandary as I walked into the library a few days ago. I stopped at the display of books in front of me and picked up the first book that caught my eye. It was: Ani’s 15-day Fat Blast
I didn’t even know this book was out but boy am I excited. Whenever I want a yummy, easy to prepare raw dish I often end up in Ani Phyo’s book, Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen. She just does good stuff. In this new book she’s done all the work for me, except for the eating of course. The menu, the recipes, the philosophy, the reasoning behind the menu and the encouragement. I told my sister-in-law, Kim, about it and she’s game! We are starting Monday, June 11, 2012. We’re doing the 15-day raw food fat blast which seems more doable. I will follow Ani’s plan exactly. Try the recipes without substitutions or additions. She’s done all the thinking for me so it should be a no-brainer.
This feels like a good step toward my DIY 30-day raw trial. For now, lowering the bar might be the perfect way to reach new heights.

Hell Hole 10K

On May 12th the city of Washington, Utah (just outside of St George) sponsored a 5k and 10k as part of their week-long cotton days. I'd seen the posters around but never thought of entering it. Although I'm still in the conversion process, I'm really not a runner yet.

Then, last week my friend Yvonne called me and said she was running the Hell Hole 10K and asked me if I wanted to play. I googled it and got excited about the scenic path along the river. Plus, I figured I wouldn't need to get up too early since it's close to home.  I'm not in shape to run a 10K but I knew I'd get a great workout if I participated. When I set out to do a long "run" on my own I end up walking the whole thing. Funny how that happens. It was a nice morning with great weather and a fun crowd. The course didn't disappoint until I got to the stinky part of the river! For the most part it was quite enjoyable with hills and twists and a nice stretch along the Virgin river.

I walked about half of the first two miles and then jogged the remaining four. That was pretty good for me and I was surprised at how relatively easy it was. That easy pace took me an hour and 7 minutes to finish but it's all good! Yvonne got second in her division and won a gift certificate to the Pizza Factory. Yeah Yvonne!

30-Day Raw Food Trial

"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."

Albert Einstein

I need to figure out how to make it work this time. I keep trying and failing or quitting. Then I wait for a moment of intense motivation to start another attempt. But they always end the same way. Because nothing has really changed except how I feel at that moment. I usually get really motivated to try again when I'm completely full, or recovering from a binge, or discouraged about body image and lack of self control. I rarely (okay, never) decide to "be good" when my daughter has created a batch of her super delicious cookies. That's usually when I decide I'm due for a "free day."

 So, after getting a bit of advice from Albert, I've decided to change my mind. Not the way I usually do which means regretting a decision, revisiting that decision, changing everything and then starting that process over again. But actually changing my mind by re-writing the script.

First I need to identify the thinking that gets me into trouble. Much of this thinking I've picked up along the way unintentionally. It comes from the media and from childhood observations made with a young, undeveloped mind. I have noticed that the longer I've had certain thoughts, the harder it is to get rid of them. They hide in the dark corners and multiply when I'm not looking. Kind of like cockroaches.

Old thinking:
I'll start the healthy eating thing at the beginning of the month.
I'll start on Monday.
I'll start tomorrow.
I'll start just as soon as I eat this treat that I want right now. And it's okay to eat it because I'm starting a good eating plan immediately afterwards.  (Needless to say I've put on a lot of weight preparing to eat better!) It's like the hcg diet where I'm great at the loading part but not so great at the "quit loading" part.
Just one bite won't hurt.
I've had a hard day so deserve to eat this garbage.
What I eat doesn't really matter anyway.
I'm just going to fail so why suffer any longer? (usually said in front of some temptation)

New thinking:
I'm not "starting" anything. I'm just treating my body better.
There's no time like the present!
"Treats" really make me feel worse after I eat them, mentally and physically.
I am the one who is responsible for my health.
I want to nourish my body with healthy, real foods.
When I nourish my body I also nourish my soul.

Dirty Hurty

                                  The Dirty Hurty tee-shirt that got me out of bed

The Dirty Hurty is a half marathon all dirt trail race in Ivins, which is just outside of St George, Utah. 

When my alarm went off at 5:30 on March 10th, I groaned, shut it off and went back to sleep. Race day had finally arrived and I wasn’t quite ready. I’m not a morning person on the best of occasions and I had slept poorly the night before. I just wasn’t feeling like cranking out 13 miles of trail running.
I decided to blow off the race. When I signed up two months ago I had planned on being slim and sleek and in awesome shape. Like Rocky at the top of the stairs with the music playing and the camera panning around his super toned bod with outstretched arms raised in the champion position. I wasn’t quite there. Not even close, actually. Besides, my bed was feeling reeeeeeeeeeally comfy. But at 6 a.m. (the time I had planned on leaving my house) I woke up and decided to go and get the tee-shirt anyway. It was only a twenty-five minute drive from my house to the race start. I put on my workout clothes,-just in case-filled my water bottle and was out the door in 10 minutes.

After collecting my shirt and bag, I took a good look at the other competitors. Oops. Someone forgot to send me the memo.  I was surrounded by young athletes. I felt as though I had accidentally gone to the fitness model competition instead of a “fun” race and I definitely didn’t belong there. Plus, it seemed like everyone was there with someone else. Someone who was equally athletic and beautiful. Feeling lonely, old and fat, I made my way to my car with my new shirt and wondered how fast I could get back home to bed. Before I could make my getaway the practical side of me kicked in.

Practical side: You’re already up and here and in possession of a cool Dirty Hurty shirt- just do the darn thing!
Lazy side: But I want to go home and go back to bed.
PS: You won’t be able to go to sleep so you might as well do it.
LS: But I’m too slow to be here.
PS: You don’t have to win (as if!) Just finish it and call it a challenging workout with water support.
LS: But I don’t wannnnnnnnnna!
PS: Quit being a baby and just do it!
LS: No!
PS: Yes!
LS: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
PS: You can eat whatever you want for lunch and not feel guilty about it.
LS: I can?
PS: Including desert.
LS: Okay (Once in blue moon I find it advantageous to be a sugar junkie.)

And off I went to board the bus to the starting line. While on the bus I met three delightful ladies who invited me to join their little running party. Chris, Donna and Dawneen from Odgen. I’m so glad I did. We had a lot in common and were in similar life stages. I got to know them while we jogged and hiked a half marathon. We stopped to take pictures and to refuel at the support stops. We swapped stories about mommyhood and trying to get into shape. We laughed more than most people do while racing.
Toward the end there was a shallow river crossing. I was ahead because I’m like a lab around water and couldn’t wait to jump in the river. (It was only ankle deep but still fun to get in.) When I looked back Donna was in the middle of a strange gymnastic move. While descending the rocky slope to the river, she lost her footing and somehow ended up in a very contorted (yet graceful) position involving splits and an upside down torso with shoulders wedged between two boulders. I didn’t realize she had slipped so when I looked back to see her in said position I couldn’t figure out if she was in an intense stretching position or just showing off. (A retired cheerleader having a flashback to the good old days, perhaps?) She was a little shaken, but fine, and we had a good laugh. She finished like a trooper. We made it back to the park in 3 hours and 7 minutes. Next year we’re doing it in two and a half!

Between Donna’s half time show, the beautiful scenery, the awesome volunteers and the wonderful new friends I made, that was the most enjoyable 13 miles I’ve ever covered. (Except the last three miles which somehow felt much, MUCH worse than the first 10.) The race shirt was great too.

I really enjoyed getting to know these remarkable ladies who all had impressive life stories of raising families, loosing 100 pounds, running marathons and preparing for more. Equally impressive was the way they recognized a sister who was feeling a little lost at the back of the bus and swooped in with kindness. I am so grateful. And to think, I almost slept through it all!

                      Chris, Dawneen and me before the start.

     The first section-making our way to the Barrel Roll trailhead.

                       The view from the top of the Barrel Roll

                     At the river before Donna's half time show.

     The last photo stop about a half mile before the end. (We hadn't started our sprint to the finish yet!)

The end! We'd already been to the refreshment table and had a nice sit on the grass. Left to right is Dawneen, Debbie, Chris and me. I'm trying to do the Angelina Jolie leg thingy but it really wasn't happening!