Walking Off a Craving

In my last post I mentioned how we got through juicing days with relative ease. When I reviewed what I wrote in my journal during that time I remembered struggling a bit one evening. I'm a little embarrassed to write so much of sugar cravings and my seemingly endless preoccupation with food. There are so many other joyous or thought-provoking topics in the world I could focus my attention on. I feel shallow and weak when I worry about it, but honestly, that's where I'm at right now. And it interferes with my life enough that it really needs to be addressed.

Our dinner that night was green juice. Neither of us felt hungry at all and didn’t want more juice, but drank it anyway.  
When we got back to our room I was having some serious cravings and wanted to drive to WalMart to get a treat. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted something sweet. It was a strong craving, the kind that takes over my mind and makes it hard for me to think of anything else. I was restless and discouraged. If I'm going to be honest I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I didn’t want to deal with cravings for the rest of my life. It’s ridiculous how much time and energy they take up and how discouraging I find this whole situation. There are so many other "more serious" struggles out there that I should just be grateful that mine is sugar and not something more destructive, illegal, immoral or expensive. I'm a very functional addict.

I was pacing around and perhaps even whining a bit. Renee offered some helpful suggestions to keep me from driving to Wally World and I ended up going for a walk around campus. It was a beautiful evening. I sat for awhile in the garden, focused on all the good in my life and felt calm. By the time I walked back to the room I felt better and the craving had gone away. Taking that extra bit of time to calm down really made the desperate feeling disappear. Maybe that's something I should try at home. Ya think?

I’m so glad Renee’s here with me. It’s much easier to do this with a friend- except for the lack of sleep part since we can’t seem to stop talking at night! You will all be relieved to know we have solved most of the world's problems by now. Just one more week at OHI...

Juice Days at OHI

Renee's loving her green juice

It's Juice Days at OHI! Eight meals in a row of streamlined, refreshing, green goodness. We tried not to talk about how nice it would be to actually CHEW something. We were both amazed at how "not hungry" we were. The juice is so packed with nutrients that your body really doesn't ask for more. If there were an apple or two thrown in there I may have gone back for seconds and thirds but the plain juice satisfied me. 
The food-addicted cravings are another story altogether, but I was pleasantly surprised at how tame the were after juicing. I felt hopeful that one day my life will be ruled by something more profound than my sweet tooth. 
The ingredients listed for this juice were: cucumber, celery, zucchini, chard, kale and ginger. They must stick to the same recipe because the taste is pretty consistent from meal to meal. Those participants on the regular diet had some beet and carrot thrown in the mix as well. We did the hypo diet for those with sugar issues or cancer (I always do the hypo diet since sugar is a huge issue for me). I've tried the regular juice and you'd think I'd prefer the slightly sweeter juice but I don't. The straight green is so refreshing.
The first weekers juice on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday until dinner. Second weekers, third weekers and returnees juice one day only. I was shooting for the entire fast since I've never actually succeeded before.
We were plowing straight through this juice fast (feast), feeling smugly proud of ourselves when the kitchen made the mistake of serving a yam soup for Wednesday's non-juicing lunch. We caved and had a bowl in addition to our juice and it was sooooooo good! I'm going to blame them because they really should know better than to serve deliciousness during juicing days. There are limits to my self control. (Way too many limits, actually. In fact, so many limits it may not even count as self control to begin with.  Debatable.) The soup portion was actually only about a half a cup so it's all good!
The kitchen is staffed with accommodating angels who filled my heart with gratitude on many occasions. They're very good at special requests or extra servings and will even email all their recipes to participants.
The juice did have a pronounced celery flavor which did not bode well with Renee. After Thursday's breakfast juice we asked the kitchen if they could make some without the celery. They said no problem and made us a special batch for lunch. It was heavenly. It never occurred to me how much better it would taste without the celery! I'm so glad Renee had that brilliant stroke of genius. We were both happily guzzling our new and improved juice and wishing we had thought of it seven juice meals earlier!
By Thursday's dinner most of our detox symptoms had diminished and we were feeling pretty good. It was so lovely to be able to walk up the hill from our townhouse without wanting to stop and rest. Simple pleasures.


Thank you, Anne Giacinto, for sending me these recipes. You're the best! (The soup we had was wonderfully spiced, almost like a pumpkin pie.)

Yam Soup
(10 servings)


6 – 8                 Yams
2 pints                 Sesame milk
1 Teaspoon            Cinnamon
1                     Avocado

Combine above ingredients in food processor or blender until smooth

You can add seasonings:

Suggestions:
Mace
Allspice
Nutmeg
Cloves
Pine nuts (ground finely)

Monday at The Optimum Health Institute

Getting ready to down my shot of wheatgrass juice. (I'm pretty excited about it.)

Licking the cinnamon from my hand afterwards to cut the green taste. 

                                      

Monday 5/13/13

Down to business. Following the program takes organization and planning. We have to drink half of our body weight in ounces of water plus 32 ounces of rejuvelac every day. There is a reason you probably haven't heard of rejuvelac: you probably wouldn't like it. It's a fermented grain drink full of probiotics and enzymes. My sister, Audrey, calls it tart lemonade and actually likes it but she is a strange and rare creature. It tastes a lot like bile to me. Renee discovered if you plug your nose while drinking it you won't think you're dry heaving. If you've calculated the total number of ounces of liquid we are to consume daily you may have already figured out we have to plan for a lot of potty breaks.

We are also expected to juice and drink two ounces of wheatgrass juice in the morning and then again in the afternoon. I find it hard to get down but it’s doable with a cinnamon chaser. The smell of the juicing room can be a bit strong but we toughed it out because around here wheatgrass juice is the magic elixir. It's easier to drink after you discover how powerful and nutritious it is. 

Renee went to the morning class to learn all the ins and outs of the program while I meditated on the massage table. I felt like a bowl of jello afterwords-it was kinda wonderful.

For lunch we had a plate of greens, sauerkraut and a flax seed cracker. I was feeling strong and craving-free so I drove to WalMart to purchase a forgotten item. My strength crumbled and I stumbled around the store struggling with the inner voices screaming for junk food. I hurried back to the safety of OHI, vowing not to leave campus again until I check out Sunday morning.

The afternoon, “Mind Body Connection” class was really interesting. At 3:30 we went to the exercise class and then stayed for the 4:30 stretch class. It was wonderful and we both felt much better afterwards. 

We are both feeling the some detox symptoms. We're tired and I tend to feel a little nauseous now and then. Experience tells me I will feel worse before I feel better. I also remember how great the better feels, and not just in relation to the worse!

Tonight was our last dinner of solid food for three days. I’ve never been able to juice before because I would get dizzy and weak and hungry. Mostly just weak in the discipline area. I came here with the goal of getting through the juicing days without resorting to solid food. It should be interesting.

The Optimum Health Institute

                              Mother’s Day 5/12/13

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of visiting with my dear friend, Renee. (You can read her guest blog here.) I was feeling desperately helpless in the wake of her increasingly serious health issues. The world simply could not go on without her lovely song. 

I suggested she try to attend the Optimum Health Institute, OHI, to heal. We decided to get more information about it and I opened my laptop. Waiting for me in the inbox was an email from OHI with a special offer to return and bring a friend. It felt like a sign. We decided to go. We got really excited, despite my warning of the “crying days". Before we knew it, schedules had been rearranged and we were booked to attend one week, starting Mother's Day.
This will be my fifth visit in about 13 years. I always vow to go every year for my annual detox/oil change, but life has gotten in the way. I average about once every two years instead.

On May 12th, I was up by six am, excited to get there to start my detox and transformation. My morning weight was 162-ouch! I gave the offspring an extra week to make their Mother's Day gifts/cards/loving affirmations even better than planned. By 7am, I was on the road, driving to San Diego with St George and my sugar addiction in the rear view mirror (or so I thought).
I had brought fresh green juice and fruit to keep me occupied and full while driving. It didn’t prevent me from buying and eating a candy bar at a gas stop but it keep me feeling good otherwise.
I arrived and checked in just in time for lunch, which was my plan. I wanted to get in as many OHI meals as possible. I told myself I wasn’t going to fall into the “last supper” mentality that I usually do but old habits die hard. I drove off campus after lunch and ended up eating a fresh baked donut from the bakery (it tasted better than it should have due to the last supper mentality.) I also got a one-serving size container of chocolate brownie ice-cream from the WalMart run, which I ate as soon as I got back into my car. It’s a little on the pathetic side but hopefully this trip to OHI will be my starting point to a new way of eating.

I meandered around campus, enjoying the tranquility, and then unpacked and settled in. Dinner was similar to lunch- salad greens, cherry tomatoes, celery, sauerkraut, and lots of sprouts and sunflower greens. It took me 40 minutes to chew it all.

The day was complete when Renee arrived and although I knew I should get to bed early and we could visit later, it didn’t go down that way. Friendships add such a sweetness to life.

Michael Jordan and I Have a Lot in Common.

I have missed out on more than 9,000 days of healthy eating. I have lost almost 300 pounds (But have gained 400 plus.) 26 times I have made it sugar free for four days in a row and messed up on day five. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I am starting over again tomorrow! 
Thanks, Michael, for your wise words of encouragement.

The Problem With Perfection

Next month will be the two-year anniversary of this blog. The first post I wrote was, "Sugar Junkie Goes Raw for 30 Days." Then I promptly spent the next two years trying to actually go raw for 30 days. You can read about some of my MANY aborted attempts along the way. I really struggle with the perfection aspect of it. I want to do it 100% right with no exceptions. But I don't.

The problem with goals of perfection is that it's too easy for me to do something less than perfect. I am thoroughly entrenched in the rut of mediocrity and fear I will never climb out. I fail at my goals every single day. Which results in discouragement which is really ugly in my world. Discouragement usually leads to bingeing. Which makes no sense at all because you'd think if I was discouraged about eating an unauthorized brownie I would stop eating the brownies right? Yet my reaction is usually to finish off the entire pan of brownies. Go figure.

Knowledge is power and I need to remember that I always trip over the word perfection. I go down hard and fast when that expectation is around. I admire and am inspired by those who say, "I'm doing a sugar fast, or a raw food diet or a whatever they want thingy," and then just do it. Just like that. No tripping. No mulligans, aborts, do-overs or anything. They just do it. And make it look painless. 

Those people used to annoy the heck out of me and make me feel inferior. I know better now. We are all different and that's a good thing. I need to focus on my strengths (ridiculous persistence to the point of insanity) and not beat myself up over weaknesses (anything that requires me following strict rules. I struggle with rules in general.) I'm just going to do the best I can and stop saving the posts for when I do it perfectly. That may never happen.

I am trying to follow the menu from the Optimum Health Institute. That's where this whole process began for me and that's where I go to get my super powers back. Now let's see if I can follow that plan  (or something close to that) at home. Wouldn't that be wonderful? 

I started yesterday:

Sunday, February 17th, 2013    
159 pounds (more than when I started two years ago)

B: cucumber, celery and apple juice with lime (my favorite green juice)
S: lots of cantaloupe
L: salad with sunflower seeds, avocado, sprouts and sauerkraut
D: more of the same salad with cucumber, carrots and red bell peppers

Off plan: Some fabulous Sunday afternoon Snickerdoodles sent over by my neighbor and master baker, Sydney. I also made cookies and ate a few more than I wanted to. 

Today:  Monday, February 18th, 2013
157 pounds (down two pounds-it must have been the Snickerdoodles)

B: bowl of blueberries and strawberries with 2 tablespoons of vanilla cashew cream

S: ginger kombucha  (fermented probiotic drink-only 15 calories)

L: big salad with lettuce, red bell peppers, cucumber, carrot, avocado and sunflower seeds.

S: small tart frozen yogurt

D: same salad as lunch but with ranch dressing

Juliano and I

Renee (my fabulous friend), Soup and Monica (two of my three incredible sisters) and I made a quick trip to LA. We had a great visit with my brother, Andy, and then headed off to crash the Craig Ferguson party at NBC studios. I’m not much of a TV person and had actually never heard of the guy but was excited about being in the audience during a taping. After being “warmed up” and coached on how to be a fantastic audience (they bribed us with chocolate) we watched them put a show together. I’m a fan now. That Craig guy is one funny dude. Thanks, Renee, for getting the tickets.

After we checked into our hotel in Santa Monica, we explored the neighborhood. We had a great dinner at True Foods and soaked up the artistic, funky atmosphere near the pier.

Before going to California I had researched some raw restaurants in the area in hopes of trying one out. I wrote down a list of five or six and their locations but then left the list on my desk at home.

Early the next morning I was drifting in and out of sleep when I suddenly remembered that one of the raw food restaurants was located on Broadway in Santa Monica. I didn’t know which one but realized we had walked down Broadway the night before. I jumped out of bed, eager to start my quest. Monica heard me get up and offered to go with me. So, with about 5 minutes of primping (looking gorgeous in my sweats) we were off on our adventures.

We walked about ten minutes and found Planet Raw Cafe with the front door wide open, awaiting our arrival. We entered and I explained to the man on the computer that we knew they weren’t open yet but wanted to look at their menu. He kindly gave us the menus and allowed us to sit and peruse. Halfway through the menu I saw references to Juliano and excitedly asked the man if this was perhaps Juliano’s restaurant. (I have read about the famous raw food chef.) He said, “I’m Juliano” which immediently sent me into geeky fan mode.
“You’re Juliano? REALLY? I’ve read so much about you!”
Then Monica chimed in, “Picture time!” which was great because although it NEVER crosses my mind, she’s really good about getting pictures of everything. He was gracious and accommodating and spent time explaining the benefits of raw food to us. When I complained to him about my cookie downfall he brought out two chocolate coconut raw cookies for us to sample. Delicious!

Monica and I eventually let him get back to his work and made our way to the beach. I happily remembered how the ocean soothes my soul and made a note to get there more often.

Suzy and Renee were game to try the Planet Raw with us at lunch which was no small sacrifice given the abundance of incredible restaurants around.

It was a new experience for Renee to have an extensive menu in hand where every single item was gluten free. We ordered four different entrees and the avocado chocolate pudding to share. (It sounds weird but is really good.) They gave us a complimentary appetizer sampler plate and we were oohing and aahing our way all through lunch. The best part was how good we all felt afterwards. Or maybe it was the chocolate pudding. Possibly it was the kelp noodles with a wonderfully flavored, creamy sauce. It’s hard to say. But we did feel energized after eating that delicious food.

I could easily be a raw foodist if Juliano would just move into my house for while and take over the food prep!

Of course It never occurred to me to take any pictures of the food but that only means we will need to return. The sooner the better.